The Peacock Challenged
by sunflowerb
Summary: He was not jealous. Just...intrigued. Yes. And he was not showing off, either! It's just that he could hardly be expected to back down from such a challenge...or sit quietly and watch River teach. oneshot. DoctorRiver.


**A/N: **Because bored!Doctor plus Teaching!River always equals fun. This was originally going to be much shorter, but then the Doctor started being the Doctor and it got much longer.

DoctorRiver, spoilers for everything, post-s6 for the Doctor. oneshot.

_The Peacock Challenged_

The Doctor was going to track down the inventor of the alarm clock and throw him into a black hole. Quite useful devices, yes, but hardly worth the fright of his life when he was shaken from his sleep by a blaring horn, convinced he was under attack by at least twelve different alien species. He sat bolt upright and tried to pull his screwdriver from the pocket of his jacket, before realizing he wasn't wearing one.

"What? Stop! What's going on?" The noise stopped and the Doctor's head cleared enough for him to properly gauge the situation. Of course he wasn't under attack. He was in the bedroom of River's townhouse outside the University of New London, and his long suffering wife was sitting up in bed next to him, rolling her eyes at his childish behavior.

"It's just the alarm clock, sweetie…"

The Doctor's muscles relaxed and his breathing slowed as he let this sink in. "You have an alarm clock? Why have you got an alarm clock?"

"Because I have a job, and they like you to show up on time," he could hear the exasperation in her voice as she got out of bed and pulled on a dressing gown.

The Doctor groaned and fell back onto the bed. "Work? But that's so _boring._ I don't understand how people can stand having _jobs_."

"I happen to enjoy my job," River replied as she sat down on the bed and began pulling her wild curls back into a ponytail. The Doctor took the opportunity to wrap his arms around her waist and pull her back into bed. She giggled as he buried his face in her hair.

"Yes, but I know of some things you enjoy quite a bit more and none of them involve leaving this room." He couldn't see her face but he could tell by the way she sighed that she was rolling her eyes again. "Come on, play hooky. Just one day can't hurt."

River swatted his arms and clambered out of his grasp. "I'm the teacher, I can't just skip classes! They don't pay you if you don't show up!"

Now it was the Doctor's turn to roll his eyes. "River, if you go to the bank down the street you'll find a savings account under the name of Mels Zucker that's been collecting interest for well over 3000 years. You're not hurting for money."

She looked down at him with a stern expression and arms crossed over her chest. "Doctor, I've got three more classes to prepare these students for their final exams. I can't go skipping now. Believe it or not, sweetie, but right now there are people in this universe who need me more than you do." She nodded as if to close the subject and made to walk out of the door. She stopped in the doorway, and there was a noticeable shift in her posture. "Are you going to be here when I get back?" She did a commendable job of keeping her tone casual, but the Doctor could still hear the hope in her question.

He felt his chest tighten. On the one hand, he hated the idea of being stuck in her house all day waiting for her to come back, and he knew that the longer he stayed, the harder it would be to leave. On the other hand, he really wasn't ready to leave her yet either. Most importantly, this was an older River, and this was the first time she'd seen him—a version of him that knew her, that is—in a very long time. From the way she'd reacted when he'd shown up at her door it was possible that she hadn't seen him, any him, since the Byzantium. He had no idea just how close she was to the end, but as guilty as he'd feel the longer he stayed, he knew it wouldn't compare to the guilt he'd feel if he left.

"I suppose I will." River turned her head to the side, just enough to look at him, and he saw the smile tugging at the corners of her lips. He grinned at her. "Might pop ahead to when you get home, but I'm not in any hurry."

River's smile faded slightly. "With your driving, I probably won't see you for another month."

"I won't mess it up," the Doctor said seriously.

For a moment River's mouth held that soft smile she only gave him when they were alone, and then she turned to face him with a grin. "Well then, get up. If I'm going to be rushing around getting ready for my classes then you are not going to get to lay there being lazy."

-x-

Sometimes the Doctor was certain River and the Tardis were in cahoots. He'd planned to jump ahead a few hours to when she'd be finishing up her classes, only to find that his ship refused to let him in. Clearly not even the Tardis herself trusted him to get the timing right. Or maybe she was just giving him some hint he was clearly missing. Either way, he found himself stuck in River's house with absolutely nothing to do for approximately five more hours.

He read every single book she owned, twice. He corrected two of her history textbooks and found a third so horribly riddled with errors that it wasn't even worth fixing. He reorganized her closet in order of his favourite things to see her in, realized she'd kill him for it, and put it all back they way she'd had it. He found an old Gameboy color and Pokémon cartridge in a box under her bed and spent a few happy hours entertaining himself thus before getting stuck and blaming his whole predicament on glitchy gameplay. He occupied the next ten minutes by sulking.

Finally, bored out of his mind, it occurred to him that he had never seen River Song teach.

-x-

Most of the students had already taken their seats by the time he entered the lecture hall. It was very classic in most ways: stadium seating filled with about fifty or sixty students, walls and tables made of warm wood, a large desk at the front of the room with a large screen behind it. Off the side of the front stage there was a door leading to what he assumed was River's office. The Doctor took an open seat towards the back and waited. After a few minutes River came walking out of the office with several books in her arms, and across her chest the dark leather bigger-on-the-inside shoulder bag he'd sent her for Christmas her first year in university.

She addressed the class as she set the books down on the desk. "Hello everyone. Alright, today we're picking up with important expeditions of the Second Great and Bountiful Human Empire, and before any of you ask, yes this _will_ be on the final so I expect you to take notes, now I need to-" she straightened up, caught his eye and froze. There was a moment of almost imperceptible confusion before she regained control of her emotions and smiled sweetly at him. "Well, it appears we have a visitor today. Are you auditing the class, Mister-?"

"Smith," the Doctor replied, returning her knowing smirk with one of his own. "Not entirely sure what class I'm auditing, truth be told. I saw a rather interesting woman earlier and tracked her back here." He could feel the eyes of every student in the class staring at them as he asked, "It is alright if I sit in, isn't it?"

Her smile remained casual, professional, but her eyes held that familiar glint as she replied, "Perfectly alright. Stay as long as you like." She opened her mouth to say something else but paused, because, the Doctor knew, of the psychic paper burning in the bag resting against her hip. Her smile faltered momentarily before she grinned again and addressed the class at large, "I've just got to go grab a few papers and things and then we'll get started. Better be ready when I get back because I'm not waiting on anyone." She gave him once last glance before sweeping out of the room and back into the office.

"You're wasting your time, you know."

The Doctor looked down at the source of the voice, an athletic young man with dark hair and rather ridiculous soul patch a couple of rows below him. The Doctor felt his own psychic paper burning in his pocket. He spared the young man a glance before examining River's message. _Yes, you can stay, but if you don't behave I will not hesitate to throw you out. x _He sent her a reply promising he'd be good, before turning his attention to her student. "Sorry?"

"With Professor Song," the man said with a cocky smile. "Seriously, mate, you couldn't be any more obvious." He gave a bitter laugh. "Trust me, you won't get anywhere with her."

The Doctor straightened his back and adjusted his bow tie. This man—boy; what was he, twenty, twenty-one?—had made a pass at River. Not that he was jealous. Heavens no. Why should he be? He was merely…intrigued. Yes. Interested. River had students that had tried to flirt with her. She was his wife; he had every right to want to know more_._

"Maybe it was just you?" The Doctor asked, trying his best to sound interested rather than smug.

The man's smirk melted into something more like a sneer. "Actually she's married." He did a poor job of concealing the disappointment in his voice. "No one knows anything about the bloke she's married to, except that she's got no interest in stepping out on him with anyone." He gave the Doctor a quick once-over. "Especially not someone who wears a _bow tie_."

The Doctor bristled. "Bow ties are cool."

The man rolled his eyes and turned back around in his seat. "Sure. And I'd bet money that you could get a date with Song."

"How much?"

"What?" the man turned around to look at him.

"How much?" The Doctor repeated seriously, eyebrows raised in challenge. "Judging by your sarcasm you'd be willing to bet I _couldn't_ get a date with Professor Song, I'm willing to bet that I could."

The man threw his head back and laughed, and many of the students around them shared chuckles and skeptical glances. "You really think you could get a date with Professor Song?" When the Doctor showed no signs of joking, the man laughed again and nodded. "Alright, alright. Your funeral. Hundred credits, what d'you say?"

"Deal." The man's smile faded just slightly at the Doctor's lack of hesitation. There was the sudden interruption of clacking heels coming from River's office and students started turning back toward the front of the classroom. The young man gave the Doctor a nod and small smirk before looking back at River.

"So," she began, putting down the books in her arms and turning on the screen behind her with a tap, "We're picking up this week with the expedition that discovered the ruins of the Ancient Egyptian Colonies of California, which, of course, turned out to actually be a film set from the early-20th century. And of course we're going to be talking about how they made that particular mistake."

"The Ten Commandments. Good film. Good ol' Cecil. I told him that city of his would confuse the hell out of archeologists one day." River took a deep, controlled breath as she looked up at him, lips pursed. "Still, the movie wouldn't have been what it was if you didn't have that grand scale to it."

"Mr. Smith," River began, her voice like poisoned honey, "If you are going to sit in on my class I'd thank you not to interrupt." The Doctor wondered how many students had quivered under the look of warning River was giving him. He knew better though. This was mere annoyance; he doubted any of them had ever seen her truly angry.

"Right, sorry. Carry on." He gave her a wide grin, and didn't miss the slight narrowing of her eyes warning him for his belligerence. The psychic paper burned again and this time River's message read, _I wasn't kidding. I _will _throw you out, you know. And not just of my classroom. _River had just started to point out something about the photo on the screen when he interrupted, "Of course we could always continue that particular discussion later, if you like. Perhaps even go see _The Ten Commandments_."

He was really annoying her now. Her students couldn't see it, but he'd known her long enough to know the signs. There was the unmistakable tension along her jaw that suggested she was clenching her teeth, and then the way she was standing-her shoulders back and her head dipped just slightly. It made him grin all the more. "Or maybe dinner instead? In Paris perhaps?" One corner of her mouth quirked and she raised an eyebrow at him.

"Dinner in Paris? Quite extravagant. When exactly were you thinking this dinner would take place?" That airiness in her voice—oh, she was playing with him now! Like a cat with a particularly brave mouse. It reminded him of Berlin, dancing around each other while the promise of death hung fragrant in the air. He was likely to pay for all of this later, but there was no denying she was interested.

"Eighteenth century sound good to you?" The room immediately started buzzing with whispered conversations as students tried to work out exactly what was going on. The general consensus seemed to be that he was some sort of Time Agent.

River didn't even try to hide her distaste. "No, now let me get back to my lesson, Mr. Smith," she said, flatly and firmly. The Doctor caught the satisfied smirk of the young man a few rows down from him. He thought the Doctor was losing. Little did he know the real reason was that River wasn't going to let her husband within a thousand miles or a hundred years of one Madame de Pompadour.

"Never mind Paris, then. How about 21st century? I happen to know an excellent place in a lovely little English village called Leadworth." He saw the change in River's demeanor. She knew he'd been pushing her buttons before, but now that he was actually trying to be serious she wasn't going to ignore him, even if he was interrupting her class. He had never asked her out in a normal way the entire time they'd been together; she knew how to tell an invitation. Her students, on the other hand, were understandably baffled. _'What's so great about the 21__st__ century?' 'Leadworth? What kind of place is that?' 'Never heard of it.' _"Might even be able to swing us a meal for free, the ah, _head chef_ and I go way back. Wonderful girl. Ginger. Very pretty, though if you want pretty you should see her daughter. Anyway, ought to be fun, what d'you say?" The young man was just rolling his eyes now. Here was a man trying to ask out a woman while he chattered on about another attractive woman and her attractive daughter; hardly how normal ideal wooing worked. But of course the Doctor wasn't attempting normal wooing. He wasn't paying attention to the young man's scoffing, either. He was focused on the only person in the room who mattered, and the small smile playing on her lips.

Because the next words out of those lips were, "Alright. Why not? Stick around after class and we'll head out."

You could have knocked the whole class over with a feather.

The Doctor looked down at the young man, whose jaw was on the floor, and gave him a wide, friendly grin.

He was surprised the man didn't punch him.

-x-

He kept his mouth shut after that and let River teach, though it did not escape his notice how she was bending over to collect things far more often than one would normally need to. He'd have to thank her for that later. When she finished her lecture the students all stood and began packing up their things, though none of them seemed particularly eager to leave yet. Finally the young man from earlier turned to the Doctor, scowling, and handed him a stick programmed with 100 credits. The Doctor pocketed it, smiling. After a moment of tense staring and friendly smiling, the man finally burst out, "What the hell are you playing at?"

The Doctor glanced over his shoulder to where River was walking up the steps towards them, eyes rolling but an amused smile on her face nonetheless. "Well, you know what they say, all's fair in love and war." And then, to River, "Ah, ready to go, Professor Song?"

She passed her student and grinned wickedly at him. "Ready when you are, sweetie." And then she hooked a hand behind his head and drew him in for rather passionate kiss, given the setting. He wasn't trying to show off, he really wasn't. His hands ended up on her waist of their own accord, and he could hardly help it when his muscles contracted to pull her in or when his tongue slipped past her lips. And yes, maybe he was just a _tiny bit_ vain, and just ever so slightly wanted to see that smug young man's jaw fall through the floor. But mostly he was just happy to see her. Yes. And it wasn't like she was stopping him, so there was that.

The look on her students' faces when they broke away was a thousand times more satisfying than he could even have imagined. He wrapped an arm around her shoulders as one of hers slid around his waist and he smiled at the young man, who was doing a very convincing impression of a goldfish.

"I don't know what you're looking so surprised about," the Doctor told him, unable to keep the smugness off his own face, "You knew she was married." And with that they turned and waltzed out of the room before the oncoming giggle fit could get the better of them.

-x-

"That was horrible," River choked out, tears still streaming from her eyes as they laughed their way back to the closet where he'd parked the Tardis, after it had finally allowed him back in. "Hilarious, but horrible!"

"It's not my fault it never occurred to him that I was your husband!"

"I told you to behave!"

"Look who's kissing the kettle, Mrs. Pot!"

"Oh, well," River conceded, shrugging. "Donovan Verifs is a smart boy and he'll make for an excellent archeologist one day, but his ego needs shrinking if that's ever going to happen. I did that smarmy little womanizer a favor. A good humiliation is exactly what he needed."

The Doctor smiled at her, proud. "You're a good woman, River Song."

River blushed and swatted at his shoulder playfully but said no more until they were back to the Tardis.

"So, where are we going? As much as I love seeing my parents, if we're going somewhere I had hoped for something a bit more romantic," she said, nudging his hip with her own.

The Doctor grinned and pulled the credit stick out of his pocket. "Well, that's what I'm thinking as well. I'm thinking we eat somewhere exclusive, expensive, and terribly romantic. Where do you wanna go?" He took the credit stick out of his pocket and tossed it up and caught it in midair. He shot River a grin. "Dinner's on me."


End file.
